The 5 love languages: Quality time

Midway through high school, I learned about the 5 love languages. I took a (paper) quiz in order to determine what my love language was. I don’t really even remember what the results were back then, honestly. In case you’ve never ever heard of the 5 love languages, they are as follows

Words of affirmation

Quality time

Physical Touch

Gift giving/receiving

Acts of service

Over the years, through my own experiences, I’ve discovered, in my perception, there are two different ways that these love languages can express themselves.

1) Everyone has an overall preference of which love language(s) they prefer to express, whether due to personality, or even how they were raised. (and you can take a quiz to find out!)

2) You may actually have a DIFFERENT preference as to the primary love language(s) you prefer to RECEIVE or accept from other people around you. (I will post more on this a bit later in the series)

Today I wanted to discuss Quality Time

The Lilypad (1)

I chose to discuss Quality of time first because this is my primary love language. I love spending time with people I care about. I love going to the movies, going out to the park, hanging out at peoples’ houses, I love playing games, going out to eat, to coffee, swimming. I love spending time with friends and family!

While researching this topic, I read something interesting from an article by Dr. Gary Chapman.

“By “quality time,” I mean giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television together. When you spend time that way, Netflix or HBO has your attention — not your spouse. What I mean is sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, devices put away, giving each other your undivided attention. It means taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other and talking.”

In terms of a romantic relationship, this is extremely important. So often today, people are literally attached at the hip (or fingertips) to their electronics…I’m talkin about me, too.

However important it is to spend time giving your spouse, children, family and friends your undivided attention, I do not discount the time spent with friends and family just hanging out, watching movies, playing video games, playing board games, going to the park, or even sitting and reading together. I personally love to just hang out with friends doing whatever. But I am en extrovert after all.

But you do not have to be an extrovert to have this as one of your primary love languages. Love languages will have a ranking, and 2 or even all 5 might be differentiated by only a few points. I know many introverted friends who love spending quality time with people one on one. They open up and talk, laugh, goof off, etc much more with one or two close friends than within a crowd. 2 of my best friends are exactly like this. 

What do you think your primary love language is? 

Stay tuned for more posts on the rest of the love languages, and then, at the end (because after all, my blog focuses as much on writing as it does on reading and life :)) I will answer this question:

How can you weave the five love languages into the lives of the characters of your story?

All information in this and other posts in this series has come not only from my own experiences and observations, having been married for 9 years, but also from Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 love Languages, along with research done in his website. I did not receive a copy of his book in exchange for any kind of review or promotion. 

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